


Infinite Pastabilities

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Dream Daddy? More like I get to make a bunch of dad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 10:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Everyone suffers when you bring a teen that doesn't want to be somewhere there.Based on http://gaycryptiddad.tumblr.com/post/163564577238/hugo-i-currently-have-seven-empty-notebooks-and





	Infinite Pastabilities

****

Once again he was stuck going to some stupid barbeque with Hugo. He was gonna be stuck here for an entire afternoon with stupid adults that just wanted to talk about how the new generation is ruining everything and new ways to blame millennials for their latest fuck ups, and cheese and dusty old books, or whatever it was old people talked about.

After last year’s incident, he wasn’t allowed to leave Hugo’s side, and after the incident last week where he accidentally almost burned down the kitchen making pizza rolls, he wasn’t allowed stay home either. So here he was with a front row seat to this bullshit.

Bullshit that included, but was not limited to: Asking how old he was now, what grade he was in, if he was dating anyone, what he wanted to be when he grew up, and other bullshit adult platitudes when it was clear to everyone that no one gave a single shit about what he was doing with his bullshit life and were just being that bullshit adult polite that forces them to include social hostages in their boring bullshit nothing talks.

Luckily after brief one word grunts to every answer and giving them nothing to bounce off of, the conversations fell satisfyingly flat and whatever adult was bothering him usually shuffled back to the conversation that they were in, or that Hugo accidentally blocked them out of by being his usual annoying self. It usually gave them a chance to squeeze back in because Hugo would then have to yell at him for being rude.

Damien and Mat were usually the quickest to get rid of. They’d get the picture after a few grunts. Craig, Brian, and Joseph were tougher to get rid of. They usually had endless advice to share from an endless stream of bullshit where all his problems could be solved with exercise, fresh air, or Jesus. Which was bullshit, but enough grunts could get them to leave.

Robert and Mary were okay. As far as adults went those two were okay in his book. He will never forget the time when Robert asked him about his plans after he graduated. He grunted out a “dunno” and Robert grunted back a “relatable” then downed his whiskey like it was water. Hugo being the killjoy he is, is usually what keeps him out of talking to those two. 

It was bullshit because Damien didn’t have an issue with Lucien talking to her. Damien is like the biggest fucking weenie in the cul-de-sac. Joseph was so okay with her that he married her. It wasn’t like she was going to share her wine with him. He’s tried and she won’t budge (except that one time she gave him cranberry juice and only told him after he had made an ass of himself). He’s just fucking pissed that they both have better stories than him.

And all this was on top of the fact that he was stuck with the adults, so none of the kids were even going to get near him. Everyone knew hanging around parents was social arsenic. His only social option at this point was a fucking infant. And he had a reputation to uphold. He couldn’t just go around talking to babies.  

He only had one option left. If he was going to be stuck here, he was gonna be an asshole. He just needed to find the right moment to do it, and then he’d strike. Then Hugo’d be sorry for making him come to this stupid barbeque. 

“So we recently got in some new notebooks to help get organized, but we’re mostly digital now so we don’t really have much use for them. I was wondering if you guys had any ideas on what to do with them.” Hugo droned on, unknowingly leaving himself open to some class a jackassery. 

“You should put spaghetti in them.” He said before anyone else could get a word in. If you’re going to be a jackass, you have to be fast, or else you’ll miss your window of opportunity.

All eyes were on him, as they they all seemed to try and figure out what that meant and how to deal with the new mental image that he had forced upon them.  

“Ernest… I appreciate your input, but I’m not going to put spaghetti in my notebooks.”

“You asked for suggestions so you got one. Put spaghetti in the notebooks.”

“Does anyone else have any suggestions?”    
  
“Well I think,” Ernest braced for some fitness bullshit to fall out of Craig’s mouth, “you should put spaghetti in it.” 

They were both genuinely shocked. He never had an adult side with him on stuff like this. They never took part in jackassery like this. This felt like the start of something beautiful and assy. 

“Anyone else? Any other suggestions?”

“Yeah. Put some spaghetti in it.” He heard Lucien add from the other end of the yard. 

Hugo was starting to look so fucking pissed. He gave him that “wipe that smug look off your face young man” look, but little did he know he was wearing a second, smaller smug look under the first one. Hugo sighed an exasperated sigh.

He changed his mind, if all barbeques were going to be this fun, then he absolutely had to keep coming. Maybe after this Hugo would stop being such a fucking helicopter and let him do what he fucking wants to do without him trying to hold his fucking hand the whole time. 

“Any nonspaghetti suggestions.” Hugo practically begged for release from the pasta prison he had been banished to, but they all fucking knew there was no escape. He was fucking there forever and he was going to have to give into peer pressure and do it. He had no other option and it was fucking great.   
  
“You could put spaghetti recipes in there.” Daisy added. Hugo groaned and put his head in his hands and slid them back, pushing back his hair and probably smearing the fuck out of his glasses as he did so. 

“I’m no longer taking suggestions.”


End file.
